Further Into My World

I guess you could say that I am a nice person. I know when I was younger, I used to try to do whatever I could to be recognized but it didn’t work out that way. So then when my “dark side” emerged, it’s then when people started to take notice. I’d rather be remembered for the kind gestures that I show to others.

If you are my friend or someone that I’m really close to, then you know that I will ride for you until the end. And if you are wrong, I’ll tell you so.
Whatever happened to the stand up people? Those that really don’t care about how the world perceives them? It’s like now and days people are out for self.

One of my close inner circle friends told me that not everyone is worthy of being in my presence. Maybe this is the plan that GOD had set out for me. Not to be a part of the in crowd but known for being my own crowd.

I was having a convo with one of the Y! Buddies and he dropped some serious knowledge. Like whenever he explains something, it’s like in ways I can relate to what he’s saying..

He was discussing past relationships. So then I started thinking about those that I’ve dealt with and the person that I became afterward.

It’s like I’ll explain to them that I’m not perfect. I have flaws. Then in the beginning they’ll ride it out and the truth will emerge that they really couldn’t hang with it.

When I am hard on myself, it’s not for attention. It’s just that some situations, I know that the outcome could be better or worse. I just need to apply some self tough love.

Then it’s like more and more each day, I see myself becoming him. I just wish that he was around more and took more interest in the person that I am becoming. I never really asked him for anything. If anything, my brother got more out of him. Pretty much bled him dry. All I wanted was to say that my father was around. I didn’t need gifts, toys, I just wanted him around and in my life. That void still affects me to this day. Which is probably why I’m not to concerned about trying to patch things up.

One day it will all make sense.