Tag Archives: Five Things

Five Things 3/6/17 feat. @LauRenxExCarter

Don’t be alarmed, yes this is a brand new Five Things post that you’re about to read. Ren, who is one of my long time (and often problematic when she’s giving me grief) favorites wanted to post her thoughts. I look at it as birthday present. So here we are with another edition of Five Things. Take it away, Ren!

5) If you have to choose between putting your eyeliner on at home or putting it on in the car you should always put it on at home. Al. Ways.

I’m regular as hell; makeup is not my strong point. Most days I leave the house in tinted moisturizer, mascara, basic-ass eyeliner, and a purple lippie. I was rushing to get ready for breakfast yesterday and chose to wear mascara without the eyeliner to shave at least a minute off of my daily Make Myself Look Halfway Presentable So I Don’t Scare People in Public routine. Halfway to the restaurant I checked my reflection in the mirror, and, well, ya girl needed the eyeliner. I tried to rectify my mistake by putting it on once we were parked. Someone honked their horn and startled me, which caused me to mess up my right eye, which I tried to fix, and, long story short, I ended up removing the little bit of makeup I had on my face before I stepped into the restaurant, ‘cause…I fucked up.

4) My DVR has me spoiled.

Our contract with DirecTV is up next month so we’re testing possible replacement services. We’re currently in the middle of a weeklong trial of Sling TV, and it’s cool for the most part. But when you’re used to being able to pause a movie or a TV show so you can go cake on the phone with your Oldhead doing anything else feels foreign, uncivilized, and just plain wrong.

3) Watching Princess PettyPants on the weekends may be putting me off wanting children.

Maybe. Kinda. I love children, and P3 is no exception to this rule. In fact, she’s one of my favorite people in the history of Creation. But she’s a toddler, and toddlers are assholes. It was a quarter after midnight and she was running around my living room wiping boogers on our furniture because she clearly heard “Hey, be a gross little jerk” when I told her to get her fingers out of her nose.

2) Juggling depression and my writing schedule while trying to have some semblance of a social life is freakin’ exhausting.

The sick thing about my depression is that I do some of my best work when I’m in the middle of one of my all too frequent downswings. I try to fight my way through the numbing fog caused by my fucked up brain chemistry to keep on track with my writing goals, and I’ll actually manage to produce a page or three of new material that I don’t completely hate, when I realize that I’m neglecting my friends. So I tell myself that I can go hang out with them so they don’t think I hate them more than I actually do (I hate all my friends, but I do it in a really loving way) then go home and do some work because I have a deadline looming. But, of course, I ended up falling asleep on the couch as soon as I walked back in the house. Faking like I actually want to spend time with people when I’d much rather be isolating myself takes too much work and doesn’t burn nearly enough calories.

1) The Creator got hella jokes.

Hella. Jokes.